Friday, February 29, 2008

Maybe I Should Grow Up

My son brought home a flyer from school today. Austin is in the 5th grade and the school is having the district nurse (Mrs. Suzanne Dick) give a presentation to all the boys about the changes that their bodies will be going through. I don't remember this talk taking place until junior high for me, and it came from Mr. Roden. When I read that Mrs. Dick was giving the presentation I had a hard time explaining to Austin what I thought was so funny.

I tried to scan the flyer and post it but I couldn't get it up. Maybe Mrs. Dick could help me with that too.

Let the "grown up" comments fly.

Monday, February 18, 2008

It's Tough Being Ernie

My life is “ruff” rough.

I get up everyday at 4 am. I eat a healthy breakfast of lamb and rice and take my daily vitamin. Then I go to work.

The drive isn’t too long, about 10 minutes. It would be shorter but everyday the guy I drive with stops at Circle K to buy a diet coke. Dude needs to give that stuff up.

At work I have a meeting with the crew before they set up the golf course. Some guy named Oscar usually says he is going to have a carne asada with me, or was it have me for carne asada.

If it is the latter, he couldn’t catch me. I’m too fast. Every time I find a piece of goose or coot that the coyotes have left behind my “master” tries to take it away from me. He looks pretty silly chasing me around so he quit doing it. I just get to chew on it until I’m finished.

One thing he still can’t handle is my affinity for bird crap. I love that shit. I know I’m supposed to chase these geese and coots because they eat the grass seed and poop all over the place, but if he would just leave me alone out there I would at least clean up all of their mess. It would be better than all you can eat shrimp night at Sizzler.

A couple of hours of riding in a golf cart and running around the lakes chasing birds can make a guy tired, so I head back to the shop. I’ll usually settle down in the office with a knucklebone. The chef at the restaurant sets me up whenever he has veal in the kitchen. When I’m done gnawing on that bone for an hour or so its naptime.

After I’m done with my siesta I’ll ride around with the boss and check on the crew. The golf course now has a lot of players on it. Big bossman will stop occasionally to say hi to some of the members. They really don’t talk to him that much; they usually talk to me! They often ask me how many coots I’ve killed today. I say, “None, but I’ve been eating their shit and now I’m licking you with my tongue!”

On the ride home I prepare myself for the second half of my day. That means I have about 30 minutes to rest before the kids get home from school.

I put up with a lot from those kids, especially that little red head. She won’t leave me alone. One day she had me wearing her wiener dog pajamas. It is bad enough that I’m wearing her PJs but do they have to be wiener dog PJs?

Which brings me to the topic of wiener dogs. What’s up with the wiener dogs in this house? Splinter and Mia don’t let me have jack. They are always stealing my stuff. I’ll be chewing on a toy and if I turn my head for a second, poof toy is gone. Those little sausages never let me on the bed or couch either. I sit there and bark at them to let me up and they sit there and snap at me like alligators. It’s just not fair.

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Glad I Asked

My youngest, Alissa had her first boyfriend early last week. Christopher asked her to be his girlfriend at the beginning of the school day. Alissa said yes. By the end of the day the romance was over, they were splintsvile. Stupid Christopher.

That whole chain of events has sparked a new type of relationship between her and my wife. I really shouldn’t say “new”. Maybe saying their relationship has “matured” would be a better way to put it.

Sherri has taken on the role of “girlfriend” as well as mother.

When will I know when I’m in looovvve? Why are boys so stuuuupid? What was daddy like when you guys were boyfriend and girlfriend? All things I’m not supposed to know about. It’s all very cute. Sherri loves it. It’s great that she is getting the chance to do these kinds of things with Alissa instead of all of the drama she has had to deal with from our oldest Sarah. I’m sure Sarah was capable of being this cute at this age, but we never saw it. It has made it tougher to feel the same attachment towards Sarah.

Alissa is now only 2 years younger than Sarah was when we brought them into our home. I can’t see Alissa maturing enough in the next 2 years to be anywhere near Sarah’s maturity level at 9 years old. That’s a good thing. Sarah was the head of that household when the county took them away from their birthmother. She really hasn’t let that go.

Alissa and I were driving home from her basketball practice the other night. She now had some questions for me.

Daddy when did you know you were in love with mommy?
I was in love with her at first sight, I just didn’t know it or act like it.
That’s kind of what mommy said.
Oh really? What exactly did mommy say?
Mommy said you acted like a punk when she first met you.
Nice, glad I asked.

Friday, February 1, 2008

No Cannonball Run

One of the fond memories I have about being a kid in the 70’s was going to the drive-in movies with my parents. We would pack a dinner and desert. This usually was fried chicken, potato salad, and some sort of pie or cake. We would get there a little early so we could play in the playground while mom and dad would set up the picnic dinner.

We would also pack blankets and pillows. We usually went in the summer. This would mean that the movies started late because of daylight savings. There was always a double feature. My sister and I would normally fall asleep before the end of the second movie.

While I was at work earlier this week I saw something that reminded me of the last double feature I saw with my parents before they got divorced; The Bad News Bears and The Gumball Rally. What I saw was a Shelby Cobra.

The Cobra was one of the featured cars in The Gumball Rally. It is also one of the better cars in Gran Turismo. I play a lot of Gran Turismo with my son Austin. I drive the Cobra because it kicks ass and I remember it from my childhood. It reminds about one of the few things my family did as a family when I was a kid.

Its funny what things we choose to remember about our childhoods.