Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Mr. Popularity

Remember this little guy? Ernie was a Christmas present to the wife and kids. But he also has another job. He “works” with me at the golf course.

Last winter we had a problem with migratory coots. Hundreds of these coots try to make MVCC their home for the winter. They are a huge problem. All they do is eat our newly seeded grass and crap all over the place. The members wanted the coots to go away. When you buy a membership for $80,000 and pay monthly dues of $850 you don’t want to have to putt through bird shit.

Nelson thought getting a “bird chasing“ dog for the golf course would help, but he didn’t want to take care of one.

Sherri wanted a Labrador retriever, but she didn’t think we had a large enough yard to accommodate such an energetic dog.

Like peanut butter and chocolate, the my two problems turned into an unbeatable combination. Both my family and the members at MVCC love Ernie. Sometimes I think more than me. When I get home from work, “ERNIE! YOU’RE HOME! Oh, hey dad.”
When Ernie is with me in my cart members will stop me, “How is Ernie today?” God forbid they ask how I am. That’s OK; I love the BIG guy too.

One of our fertilizer vendors has asked local golf courses with dogs to submit pictures for their 2009 calendar. So I am going to send in a picture of Ernie. I thought I would post the three that I have narrowed it down to and let you guys, “The Cult of Malathion” help me decide.




This may be my favorite, but I'm not sure it is "calendar" material.

Monday, July 21, 2008

The Difference a Dollar Can Make

Summer is a very expensive time for the Malathionman household. The electric bills are usually over $400 dollars a month and we need to pay for daycare since the kids are out of school. We had a great inexpensive sitter set up for the summer but her husband died in a car accident a few weeks ago. So we had to do find someone to watch the little angels real quick.

I was ready to ask one of the guys hanging out at Circle K if they wanted to make a few bucks, when one of the ladies at work said her 19-year-old daughter wouldn’t mind watching my kids. Her daughter Nylet had applied for a job at my golf course earlier this year and didn’t make much of an impression on me then, but she didn’t make a bad impression, so she was in. She would get $8.00 an hour; work 9:00 am to 2:00 pm, 3 to 4 days a week. I would even give her a ride home if she needed, because she did not have a car.

Nylet did fine the first week. The house wasn’t too messed up when I got home. The kids were alive. The dogs were too. I was pleasantly surprised.

Week two didn’t start off very good. When I arrived at work at 5:00 am I said good morning to Nylet’s mom and asked if everything was a “go” for Nylet to be at my house later that morning. She looked at me kind of funny as said, “Yes!” I knew that was a big fat NO but decided to let it play out. Sure enough I got a call from Sherri a couple of hours later. Nylet had forgotten about babysitting and was stuck at her friend’s house without a car. My wife, who was just stepping into the shower and had to be at work by 9:30 was tickled pink about the situation and told me, “You hired her, you handle it.” I did, but it was a pain in the ass and I wasn’t very happy with Nylet.

The rest of the week was OK. Nylet showed up like she was supposed to. The house was OK, but definitely NOT as nice as week before. I had to drive her home everyday, which sucked. And the kids kind of whined about Nylet not going outside to play with them. She said it was too hot. This is coming from the girl who wanted to get a job working landscape on my golf course. I didn’t like the direction this “work” relationship was headed, and I didn’t want to tell Nylet’s mom her daughter was a sloth, but I kind of think she already knows it.

The next week Sherri was off, so we didn’t need a babysitter. We simply told Nylet we would call her when we needed her. We would try to find someone better the week Sherri was off, and we did. We will use Nylet when the new girl is unavailable.

The beautiful and angelic Caroline is the 20-year-old daughter of one of Sherri’s employees. She is home for the summer from college. As you can tell we love her. For $9.00 an hour Caroline drives her own car to my house. She also uses that car to take the kids to the movies, swimming, and to the park.

When I come home from work the house is always immaculate. Instead of her ass planted on the couch watching TV, feeding her face while the kids are in the other room, maybe I won’t be using Nylet again, Caroline is doing something with the kids.

I also think Austin is in LOVE. I understand. She is pretty cute, she gives him attention, and he is a 12-year-old boy.

Last night he asked me to try out a new racetrack he had made on the Playstation. I laughed when I saw the name of the track. It was called “Caroline.” I HAD to point out the name and start teasing him about it. While he emphatically denies any feelings for his new babysitter I hear a voice in the hall, “Austin and Caroline sitting in a tree...” Austin had to stop and address the instigator, “MOM!”

Monday, July 14, 2008

I Did Mocha Momma

Today I am guest posting at Mocha Momma's Blog. I was very flattered that she would ask. I don't know what she was thinking.

I Like to Make the Girl Sing

One of the great pleasures that I get from being Alissa’s dad is listening to her sing. When she has the headphones on she sings without realizing that the people around her can hear her. When she was younger it was Veggie Tales Songs. Now it is Hanna Montana. :(

I sing in the car when she is with me, but not with anyone else. Sometimes she will sing with me if she likes the song. So I decided to make a fun CD of “old songs” that she would sing with me. The trick was to try and select songs that I thought she would sing. I did pretty good. I was 8 for 9. She doesn’t like “Joy to the World”. I thought all kids liked “Joy to the World”. Her favorite song is not really an oldie, but it has the oldie sound. It is called “Chick Habit” by April March. You will find on my player if you want to check it out.

Alissa’s and Malathionman’s Sing A Long

1. Chick Habit- April March
2. Stuck in the Middle with You- Stealers Wheel
3. Long Tall Glasses- Leo Sayer
4. ABC- The Jackson Five
5. I Can See Clearly Now- Johnny Nash
6. Joy to the World- Three Dog Night
7. Misty Blue- Dorothy Moore
8. Lean On Me- Bill Withers
9. Build Me Up Buttercup- The Foundations

Saturday, July 12, 2008

He's Still Making Movies

Brian O'Malley. The teenager that used to make and deliver pizzas for me back in the 80's and early 90's is still trying to make it in the movie business. August 14th his new movie Audie And The Wolf, a movie that he wrote, directed, and produced, will be premiering at the 2008 Downtown Film Festival in Los Angeles at the Los Angeles Theatre. I'm very excited for him. Compare the Audie And The Wolf trailer to the Bleak Future trailer. Its a big upgrade! He has REAL actors that you should recognize too! Christa Campbell, Rance Howard, and Richard Riehle all have parts in this film. Go to this site and click on all the links.

I think it real interesting to see how they try to sell these small movies.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Yeah, "Plumb Me"

I snapped this picture today. I'm not sure why I found it so amusing. I guess I just have a weird sense of humor. But then again you probably already know that.

Monday, July 7, 2008

Squishy Between Your Toes

I remember camping outside in the backyard when I was a kid, pretty fun stuff. Austin tried it with Alissa a few months ago, that didn’t fly. Who do you think got scared and wanted to come in after 30 minutes? Not the little girl, it was the big brother. So when Austin asked if he could do it again last night, except this time with his friend Jake, I figured he better “man-up” or he would never hear the end of it. He did.

I thought these boys had it pretty easy. Look at that nice tent! When I was a kid we had to use blankets and tarps that we tied up between trees. It was more like a fort than a tent. I don’t know if you can see in the picture, but they have an extension cord running into that tent. They wanted a fan and music for the night. At 10:00 pm I went out tell them to turn the music down and found them both dancing in the yard. I’m not sure what to think about that. I guess it is just cute.

I had fun sneaking outside to eavesdrop on their conversations. Lots of “dudes” and “you farted!”

I also had to have a little fun at their expense. I wasn’t going let the sprinklers run while they had power out there, but I did make sure the dogs made plenty of trips outside during the night. They thought it was funny when the dogs would try to get in, but I knew there would be little surprises waiting for them when they got out of the tent.

Austin was the unlucky victim. I never recommend walking barefoot in my backyard. :)

Friday, July 4, 2008

F**K the Cheep Stuff!

This Forth of July I am home with the kids while Sherri is at work. She is off at 4:00 and will be home in plenty of time for 4th type festivities, but I wanted to try and make sure she didn’t have to do much when she got home. Just kick back, relax and wait until it gets dark.

As soon as Sherri was off to work, the kids and I went into action.
The first stop would be Stater Brothers Market and pick up stuff for dinner. Tonight will be a pretty simple meal. Rib eye steak (on sale $3.70 a pound), salad (romaine mix, tomato, green onions, cucumber, and avocado), and sliced fruit (watermelon and pineapple). I was hoping I could get all the drinks there, but they didn’t have the most important beverage, so I just got the beer and juice boxes. Total cost, $50.00. Not so bad.

Next stop would be the fireworks stand, fun, fun, fun.

“Daddy, buy the Mega Block Party! Mega Block Party looks awesome dad, buy that one!”
“How much is Mega Block Party?”
“$500 dollars sir.”
“We’ll take Block Party”

Total cost, $89.99. Ouch.

Last stop was the most important. I needed a bottle of tequila, but not for me, it is for Sherri. Stater Brothers didn’t have the right kind of tequila, just cheep stuff. I ended up going to Smart and Final, Costco was closed. Sherri likes an occasional margarita, and she likes them with good tequila. She likes Cazadores. Cazadores is not the most expensive tequila, but it is not cheep. I like Cazadores because when ever she has these margaritas there is a reasonably good chance I will get lucky later in the evening. Why mess with success?

One small bottle of Cazadores, $30.00. Worth it.