Tuesday, May 6, 2008

It Better Not Be A Tumor

I don’t know how it is in other states, but in May the public schools in California do their standards testing. This is the way the government holds the school accountable for the job that it does. If you suck, you have to go to Arnold’s office and get a swat. Nobody wants a swat from The Terminator. For weeks now, the teachers at my son’s school have been preparing him for this test, in order to avoid a turbo butt blistering at the hands of Major Alan “Dutch” Schaefer.

Now that the testing has started, the kids are getting the “royal treatment”. Austin says that they get extra recesses; I think an extra 2 or 3. He is not being sent home with any homework. Also, the kids are getting healthy snacks provided by the school, because tests show that an empty tummy is not good to test with. Jeez, why don’t we do that everyday?

Austin was even sent home with instructions from the school on how they would like us to manage his nights during this period of time. You know, get to bed at a reasonable hour, feed him, no porno, and no weed, all the things that got me through school, denied!

I think the school district may have it all wrong. Maybe they should be offering incentives that the kids want, or stronger deterrents that would encourage America’s future to do better in school.

Here are some of my ideas.

Incentive (For the boys)- Internet access during recess with links to Miley Cyrus scandal pictures.

Incentive (For the girls)- Internet access during recess with links to Malathionman pictures.


Deterrent- Free copy of Bleak Future.

5 comments:

Elizabeth said...

I want a copy of Bleak Future if only to say that I know someone in film. ;)

Everyone "pitches in" at Emily's school and puts up "motivational" posters about doing great on these tests. I say promise them a Twinkie and the children will ace all tests for that creme filled confection.

Leucantha said...

Does seem a little backwards doesn't it? That deterrent seems a little harsh don't ya think?

Glad to "see" ya!

ventl8r said...

I don't do sprinkler systems.

I'm pretty much of the notion that if it doesn't bloom or give me something to eat then I don't water it. Besides, why do I want to spend $300/month on water so I can mow when it's 95 wtih 80% humidity??

Oh, I'll run the tractor sprinkler if it's really dry but nothing on schedule.

Leucantha said...

I guess bird doesn't know you are straight. ; )

Lori said...

With those incentives, you are likely to widen the performance gap between girls and boys.

Those girls would be hypermotivated!