Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Can I See Your Birth Certificate?

While watching Austin’s baseball game last night, I was reminded of a skit in Monty Python’s “The Meaning of Life.” This movie is full of gross tasteless humor. I highly recommend it. The skit I‘m thinking of is one of the tamer ones. It’s about what can happen to you if you don’t pay attention in class.

A young boy is not paying attention in his sex education class. This upsets the instructor very much. He has to stop boning his assistant to address the young man; “I’m not doing this for my own good! You must now play the masters!” Next scene is a bunch of skinny boys on the rugby field playing against a bunch of grown men. The kids are annihilated. (That was a very abbreviated version of the skit.)

That pretty much describes what happened to Austin’s team last night. The Angels destroyed them. It was painful to watch. These boys were supposed to be 11 and 12 year olds. I think 2 of them were shaving! One boy was probably 6 foot tall and 190lbs. There were at least 4 boys over 150lbs. Austin is the biggest kid on his team and he is only 130lbs. The eight remaining boys don’t even break 100.

These boys knew how to play too. Austin’s team has a hard time just playing catch. After 2 innings it was 15 to 1. There was no mercy rule, and all parents wanted it; hell the boys on Austin’s team wanted it. When they were told to take the field in the top of the third I heard, “You mean we have to play some more?” This team held nothing back. Even after they had their comfortable 14 run lead they kept stealing bases. After the 90-minute time limit had expired, they had finished 3 innings. The score was 22 to 1.

If Austin ever walks in on my wife and I having sex I will have to say, “Can’t you knock! You must now play the Angels!”


Natalie said...

Wow, was it the 'roids?
How can there be such a huge disparity between same-aged groups?
It sounds like your son and his teammates need more practice and a better understanding of the game.
And, careful what you wish for there, bud. Not only will you have to play the Angels but you'll have some big 'splainin' to do!

Guinevere said...

Oh, the poor kids!!! If I had been one of those kids, I would have walked out onto the field with my arm pulled up behind my back yelling, "Uncle already! UNCLE!" lol

Good for them for just hanging in there, though.

Leucantha` said...

Why can't you just tell us about the game? Why do you have to leave me with that image? In my brain you are that costume and that just sounds painful enough for the kid much less having to play that team again.
All I can say is thank God, I always wear my best chemical resistant gloves when I visit.

stepmonster said...

Every sperm is sacred.... every sperm is great.... if a sperm gets wasted... the Lord gets quite irate.

That is my greatest memory of The Meaning of Life... that and "bring me a bucket, a big bucket."

Malathionman said...

Stepmonster-"I think I'm gonna puke."