Thursday, April 5, 2007

Coaching Is Easy, Parenting Is Tough

It has been a year. I started blogging a year ago. I am really surprised at how much I have written in the last year. I think I have written almost as much in comments as I have on my blog. I have just as much fun doing either one. It reminds me of another anniversary.

It is also the year anniversary of sending my oldest daughter Sarah to an adolescent residential treatment center. It is one of the first things I wrote about on
my MSN site. It was a good way for me to do a little venting.

For those of you who may not know me from a year ago, I adopted all three of my kids. They were taken away from their birthmother by the county. They were 6 months, 5 years, and 9 years old when we got them. I have no other children.

This year has gone by so fast. So many things have gone on in my house other than dealing with Sarah; it is sometimes easy to forget she is still part of the family. Not so easy for someone like her little sister. She drew this picture the other day and asked me to send it to her big sister. That hit home pretty hard.
As much as I would like for Sarah to come back home, she is pretty much in the same state of mind that she was in when we first sent her there. She has been diagnosed with Reactive Attachment Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, Posttraumatic Stress disorder (from sexual and physical abuse), Oppositional Defiant Disorder, Depressive Disorder NOS, General Anxiety Disorder, and is showing signs of a Borderline Personality. That list wasn't that long a year ago. Watch out when this girl starts her period, no joke!

Truth is, I am more concerned about her coming back, than her staying there. We knew when we agreed to adopt her that she was going to be tough. The county even suggested taking just Austin and Alissa, but we couldn’t separate Austin from his big sister. She had been his mother most of his short life. Ironically, we had to do that a year ago. She required so much of our attention the other two kids were being neglected. She was also well on her way to getting pregnant or addicted to drugs. We had absolutely no control over her. We are pretty much out of funds for this school in about 6 months. I am afraid that she is coming back just as messed up as she was before.

Dealing with Austin's errant base running is much easier than dealing with this.

I think I’ll go pop a Xanax and kick some Austin butt on playstation. I own his ass on Gran Turismo 4!

Less depressing things next time I post.


Stepmonster said...

I'm not lying man.... I deposited $350 into my savings account. There may be a few tips included in that amount but most of it was just good old fashioned "hard" work.

As for Sarah... God bless you guys for taking on that responsibility. You can only do what you can do and by trying your best with her you are giving her the best chance possible. There is no way to undo the damage caused by irresponsible parents. I work for a facility that serves adolescents from similar backgrounds and it is a long brutal process to try to reprogram them... sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.

FYI...I grew up in the town where the facility she is in is located... I just never mentioned it before because I'm trying to stay anonymous from certain people.

Anonymous said...

This is the second time I have tried to leave a comment it just doesn't work for me. Happy Easter!! And I like your song choice.

Nomal Everyday Life!!

Malathionman said...

George- I love the area that her school is located. How could I ever question your work ethic?

NEDL- Try clicking the "other" identity option. I have gotten both of your comments as "anonymous".

VENTL8R said...

I commend you and your wife for taking on such a task - many would have left Sarah behind. Hopefully she'll come around and release her demons.

After jenna was born I would often think about how precious this little girl was and wonder how/why other "parents" do these things to their children. It saddens me still to think about that.

She's beautiful, BTW.....

Leucantha` said...

I can only hope and pray that a miracle happens for her. My parents fostered kids growing up. Bill, the first kid that came to our house, had a lot of problems too. I don't have an inspiritng story to tell you it was hard. In fact I don't intend to tell you the story here. Except that no matter the outcome, you have done the right thing, caring for her and trying.

On a lighter note, I am glad that you don't have any more shoe photos up. ; )

Queen of Dysfunction said...

It's incredible that you guys took this on and are trying your best to raise these kids. I'm sorry that Sarah is having the types of problems that require the residential program, but everything you are doing is 100% correct. My heart bleeds for kids in these situations, kinda makes you want to sterilize some people doesn't it?

I have three sisters that are all fost-adopt as well, but adopted when they were tiny so our family doesn't have the behavorial stuff so much, more the medical problems that come with meth abuse.

Every kid deserves better that what some of these crappy parents give them. It's wonderful that you are doing your best for these three.