Saturday, August 11, 2007

Pink Bunnies & Sex Toys

MalathionMan foolishly gave me his password to blogsit for him and now I'm thinking this place is too dark. Perhaps something pink and in the way of cute bunnies would make for a lovely background? Maybe a rainbow of tampons? OH! How about an array of glow-in-the-dark blow up sex toys? I shall think on it.

For the time being, my own blog is "broken" and that has hindered me from telling all these great stories because I can't even get into it easily myself. There's the one about the guy who stalked me at the park and gave me the creeps (unless that was you, MalationMan, in which case dude, what an asshat you are) or the fact that I ate nearly an entire gallon of ice cream in one sitting or maybe the time last week when I spent the evening quoting So I Married An Axe Murderer. They're all quite interesting stories. At least, I can make them interesting. Sometimes I do better to tell stories in person but I can't quite do that yet. My Superpowers don't yet allow me to teleport into your homes (and prisons - I know that's where a lot of MalathionMan's readers are) whenever I choose.

In any case, here I am on a Saturday helping to keep this place nice and tidy while the proprietor ($10 Word #1) of this hellhole takes a vacation and surely he's checked back here and is screaming, "Why hasn't she posted yet? She's so damn slow and lazy! God! I hate her!" because it's Saturday and I was supposed to start yesterday.

I'm here now. You can rest easy.

To begin my week of hijacking this mofo I thought I'd introduce myself to his readers. Hi, I'm Mocha Momma. I've got this blog over here and sometimes I write about education and other times I write about my three kids or sometimes I post pictures (but I took them down not too long ago and am now starting to put some back up) and other times I discuss inappropriate things that my father would croak if he heard me discussing but that my mother seems to enjoy. Recently, I've stirred the proverbial ($10 Word #2) pot and discussed the taboo topic of race, but I sure enjoy saying what's on my mind.

He said I could write anything and now that I am afforded that sumptuousness ($10 Word #3) I have to admit that I'm stumped. It'll come to me, I'm sure. The point is Mr. Vacation has left me in charge and we're going to raid the fridge, use permanent markers in the living room where there is fresh paint, and have a party.

Leave some $10 Words in the comments so he has to look them up when he returns. In the meantime, sit down for a cuppa or a very dirty martini (Belvedere vodka , thankyouverymuch) and I'll make us some snacks and find those markers so we can make a mess.

Get back to me on the pink & bunnies & sex toys.


Shash said...

You brought BELVEDERE!!!! Oh, have I told you lately how much I love you???

$10 word, huh?


as in, "tell me, is this MalationMan going to become a lothario with all this talk about sex toys? Or is he one already?"

Speaking of sex toys: The Cone. Wow.

I have "washable" paints, but you know how Crayola lies about that...I will supply those.


RWA said...

Uhh...let's see...



And, please, don't use any pink bunnies or sex toys. It's obvious the man has a great sense of taste with his blog layout.

Lovebabz said...

Sister, I am just happy you landed somewhere. Belvedere?...aargh, Grey Goose or KettleOne my favs. $10 words ahhh--let me get back to you. Sex toys--can't wait for that! Go for it!


Elizabeth said...

I'd like to nominate asshat as a $10 word. Or, at the very least, assclown.

While your here, Oh Lady of the Coffee, you should discuss all those hushed up things we women deal with: standing in front of the "feminine aisle" pondering which pantyliner is the one to go with, waxing, tweezing, you know... girly things.

Pardon.. I need to warm my cuppa.

Elizabeth said...

Darling... whatever is wrong with you is certainly wrong with me. Ergo I must be in good company!

Personally I would go with chocolate syrup as a drizzler but of course that is so passé. Maybe a chocolate liqueur...Godiva, perhaps?

VENTL8R said...

How about "obsequious?"

So long as the conversations don't deal with bird x, taking pictures of one's meat, and little boys jacking off, then I think we'll be fine.

Got any Roberta Flack over there?

VENTL8R said...

Oh yes, sex toys....The Silver Bullet.

Daisy said...

Pink? Okay, maybe. Bunnies? Definitely. He needs bunnies. My neighbor's rabbit just had a litter of 8, so I can even send him a real one. And they did it witout any toys, just multiplied like rabbits.