I'm Not A Crazy Sports Dad...

… But I did get kicked out of Austin’s last baseball game.

It’s not like I was arguing balls and strikes or any of his calls, but I just didn’t like the ump. This guy looked like he may have played some ball, but got sidetracked with his drug dealing business, which failed, that’s why he is umpiring the game. Whatever it was he didn’t look like the kind of guy I would want my kids hanging around.

OK, so this is how it went down. Before the game as we were warming up, the umpire starts chatting with our pitcher. Friendly conversation is fine, but then he then proceeds to start coaching the kid. Me and the manger figure its just pregame socializing and that will be the end of it. Nope, that shit continues well into the game. He begins to start sharing his so-called knowledge with any kid that will listen, DURING THE GAME. This was very annoying, and slowed the game way down, but nobody wanted to say anything.

Also there was the problem of the way he made calls. No one could hear or understand what they were. Finally I had to say something.

I was coaching third base and I didn’t hear what his call was.

“Hey blue what was that call?” I yelled from third.

No response.

“ Hey blue was that a ball or a strike?” I yelled a little louder.

“Hey the only person I need to answer that question for is the score keeper.” He finally replied.

“ Uh, no everyone on the field needs to know what your calling, its part of your job description as umpire. Oh yeah, while we are on that subject, its not your job to coach my players, so stop talking to my players.”

“You need to keep quiet coach.”

“You need to get to work.”

“I will when you shut up!”

“Fine. What’s the call?”

“Strike!”

The game resumes. We are down 2 runs but begin to rally. We get a couple of guys on base and the opposing manager calls time out so he can talk to his pitcher. As he talks to his pitcher, the umpire begins to tell my batter what he thinks he knows about hitting.

“Hey I told you stop coaching my players!” I yelled.

“I don’t have to listen to you!” he chirped back.

“Listen to this. You are the umpire, you are Sweden, and you are supposed to be neutral. Stop coaching my players!”

He just looks at me.

“What’s the matter, you don’t know what Sweden is?”

“That’s it you’re out of here!”

“Wow, that’s the loudest call you’ve made all night!” I said, getting the last word in.

I walk off the field without any name-calling or dirt kicking. I just thought it was funny to get kicked out of a game without questioning a single call. I just wanted to hear the calls and for the ump to leave my players alone.

Well I guess this pumped up my team. The next six batters all reached safely. They went on to score 8 unanswered runs and won the game. The highlight of the rally was Austin crossing home and yelling, “That was for you Dad!” I know that sounds corny, but coming from my kid it sounded pretty OK.