Jacob's Ladder

One of the creepiest movies I have ever seen is one called Jacob’s Ladder. It had Tim Robbins and Macaulay Caulkin (back when he was cute). It was about 100 minutes that seemed like 200 minutes of Tim Robbins going through all sorts of hell. The main thing I remember about the movie was that I was happy that this poor bastard died in the end. If you ever check this movie out, I’m not ruining anything for you by saying that. You would feel the same way too.

One of the creepiest (or funniest) things I remember happening on the Internet involves Jacob’s Ladder, but a different kind.

I am in a fantasy baseball league that has been together for more that 15 years. We have a core of about 7 general managers, with about 7 guys who have come and gone through the years.

A few years ago, a couple of other guys (Fred, Scott, and Dave) and myself were chatting on-line about baseball. We were kicking around possible trades, when Fred says, “I will give you player A and dirty pictures of my wife for player B.”

“That’s OK I already have dirty pictures of your wife.” I replied.
“Really?” Fred said. “Where did you get them?”
“I’m was kidding dickhead.”
“Oh, …well my offer stands.”
“Player A for player B.”
“And dirty pictures of my wife.”

LONG PAUSE

Dave and Scott now are I.M.ing on the side. (window B)

“OMG is he serious?”
“Have you seen his wife?”
“He’s nasty, she’s gotta be nasty too.”

In chimes Fred on the other window (window A), “Fuck it, you guys wanna see some dirty pictures of my wife?” “ She has some really nice tattoos and piercings.”
“Really? What’s pierced?”
“Nipples, clit”

Window B
“Nasty!”

Window A
“ I have some piercings too.”
“ Oh yeah, what did you do get your dick pierced?”
“Yes, I did.”

Window B
“OMG!”
“Ouch! Holy shit!”

Window A
“ My penis has 4 studs that are connected by small chains, it looks like a ladder. They call it Jacob’s Ladder.”

Window B
‘LOL”
“Maybe he has a picture of that!”

Window A
“ How coincidental! I have the same thing, except 10 studs!”
“I’ll send you a picture if you don’t believe me.”

LONG PAUSE

Window A
“I think I’ll pass on that trade.”

We met Fred’s wife about a year later. She was very nice, and not the pig we thought she might be. Fred is no longer in the league.