Thursday, May 31, 2007

Jacob's Ladder

One of the creepiest movies I have ever seen is one called Jacob’s Ladder. It had Tim Robbins and Macaulay Caulkin (back when he was cute). It was about 100 minutes that seemed like 200 minutes of Tim Robbins going through all sorts of hell. The main thing I remember about the movie was that I was happy that this poor bastard died in the end. If you ever check this movie out, I’m not ruining anything for you by saying that. You would feel the same way too.

One of the creepiest (or funniest) things I remember happening on the Internet involves Jacob’s Ladder, but a different kind.

I am in a fantasy baseball league that has been together for more that 15 years. We have a core of about 7 general managers, with about 7 guys who have come and gone through the years.

A few years ago, a couple of other guys (Fred, Scott, and Dave) and myself were chatting on-line about baseball. We were kicking around possible trades, when Fred says, “I will give you player A and dirty pictures of my wife for player B.”

“That’s OK I already have dirty pictures of your wife.” I replied.
“Really?” Fred said. “Where did you get them?”
“I’m was kidding dickhead.”
“Oh, …well my offer stands.”
“Player A for player B.”
“And dirty pictures of my wife.”

LONG PAUSE

Dave and Scott now are I.M.ing on the side. (window B)

“OMG is he serious?”
“Have you seen his wife?”
“He’s nasty, she’s gotta be nasty too.”

In chimes Fred on the other window (window A), “Fuck it, you guys wanna see some dirty pictures of my wife?” “ She has some really nice tattoos and piercings.”
“Really? What’s pierced?”
“Nipples, clit”

Window B
“Nasty!”

Window A
“ I have some piercings too.”
“ Oh yeah, what did you do get your dick pierced?”
“Yes, I did.”

Window B
“OMG!”
“Ouch! Holy shit!”

Window A
“ My penis has 4 studs that are connected by small chains, it looks like a ladder. They call it Jacob’s Ladder.”

Window B
‘LOL”
“Maybe he has a picture of that!”

Window A
“ How coincidental! I have the same thing, except 10 studs!”
“I’ll send you a picture if you don’t believe me.”

LONG PAUSE

Window A
“I think I’ll pass on that trade.”

We met Fred’s wife about a year later. She was very nice, and not the pig we thought she might be. Fred is no longer in the league.

19 comments:

Virtually Rendered said...

Well now, that was an interesting read! I'm speachless. Can you believe it? LoL

How have you been, my friend? I have been here a few times, and each time I go to leave a comment, I have NO luck! Look in your blog status, I have been here. *sigh* so, I'm going to give it another try, because that's the persistant kind of bug I am. ;)

Hey, I moved from spaces too! I'm at WordPress, and wow... way freak'en better than spaces. No more glitches and hang ups. Yay!

Right then, I'm babbling. What a shocker. I shall now say a prayer to the comment gods to let me leave my message here, and if you're reading this, it means we are both presently smiling. :)

Miss you, friend. ((hugs)).

...And I'm back. *huff* I copied and pasted my comment, good thing too... I had to create a google account just to leave a comment (anonymous and other would not work). See, I really do miss ya! You better damn well visit me, mister. ;)

Virtually Rendered said...

Oh for goodness sakes... *sigh* Virtually Rendered is me... funky little white girl!!

I need a drink. lol

here's the link to my space on Word Press:
http://funkylittlewhitegirl.wordpress.com

Malathionman said...

FLWG-I'm going to visit Sarah in Utah this weekend so I'll visit your site early next week. Have a great weekend.

VENTL8R said...

Wow, so guys really talk about this stuff, too, eh? I'm on the fence about genital piercing in that I'm not sure if the person is brave or nuts. I'll just stick to ear piercings, thank you.

Now I gotta pee, baby just round-house kicked me in the bladder....

Queen of Dysfunction said...

I had no idea that men had these kinds of conversations.

I'm going to go order a psych eval for my husband now...

Leucantha` said...

Well, isn't that special?
I learned something new today.

I had a comment about your comment telling me to just do it. It seems inappropriate on this post, it could be misinterpreted. : )

I also have to comment about the one upmanship on that, so manly!

Malathionman said...

Kristi/QofD- Every day! That's all us guys talk about, our dongs. I know some guys who talk to their dongs. Oh yeah, better destroy those dirty pictures.

Nora- Glad you noticed!

Della said...

That is HILARIOUS.

Natalie said...

Imagine how you would have felt if he'd just sent those pics in IM and then later you actually met his wife. *Awkward*
I can see talking about your "dong" but trading nasty pictures of his wife?
The guy is a pig!
Your Window B conversation is hilarious.
Ya'll just cracked me up!

Ms Smack said...

HAHAH absolutely hilarious. I also didn't realise guys spoke like this!

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