Wednesday, May 23, 2007

No, My Snatch Doesn't Itch

As the temperatures rise in the desert, I am reminded of my first summer here. I had been living in the bay area (Livermore), so the extreme heat was a bit of a shock. Everyone tells you to drink lots of water and stay out of the sun. No shit! Does anyone tell you to keep you balls dry? Hell no!

In my first summer in the desert I worked outside in the nursery at Home Depot. It was hot, but I was doing o.k. That is until I got this incredible heat rash between my legs! OMG, my thighs were on fire! I was walking around the store like I had spent the night with a Wicked Wanda 3000.

My buddy noticed I was having a hard time and asked what the problem was. I felt comfortable enough to talk to him about it because he had shared with me how had a bleeding hemorrhoid that was bothering him the other day. I was walking a lot like he was that day; it was a fine male bonding moment.

He told me he knew exactly what I was going through and that he had the perfect remedy, Vagisil. He said a nurse had recommended it to him and that it worked great.

“No fucking way am I going to put that shit between my legs!” I replied.

“That’s what I said.” He barked back. “ But I swear it really works. I got a tube in my locker, you want to try it?”

“You are full of shit.” I said.

Sure enough, we go to his locker and he pulls out a tube of Vagasil.

“Well?”

“No thanks, I’ll pass.”

On my way home I stopped by the drug store. I was desperate. I was willing to try anything, and I did. Guess what, it worked. I wasn’t willing to share that with my buddy at work, but I told my wife. What the fuck was I thinking! I still hear about that every summer. Since then I have learned the value Gold Bond Powder.

9 comments:

Guinevere said...

M likes Gold Bond powder too...for those really hot and humid IA days. lol I didn't think of suggesting Vagisil, but I DID suggest diaper rash ointment...it would work as well! lol

Have a great weekend!

Travis said...

Ah yes, the awful taint rash of doom. Vagisil can be a like the touch of god during that shameful time.

I understand sir, I truly do.

Queen of Dysfunction said...

I laughed my ass off. I'm sorry, but the thought of two men at Home Depot having a conversation about Vagisil cracks me up.

Elizabeth said...

Just so long as your wife isn't toting around jock itch cream. We women MUST have some standards. ;)

Leucantha` said...

You are not alone, but that is still pretty damn funny.

Chris said...

I haven't been by in about a forever and this is the first post I see from you. It's good to know things never change. You crack me up, dude.

Natalie said...

So, is this a long term or short term itch.

Where've you been?

Malathionman said...

I guess you can say long term, but usually cause of the wax job.

Ms Smack said...

I would have paid money to see the look on the cashier's face.... especially if you were squirming uncomfortably.

Maybe she thought you were a trannie?